2012 December 10 (Monday) : Proposal?

I am feeling that the Lord has put me through these past 27 years of minimal female companionship / loneliness / depression / pornography addiction to show me the barrenness of life without women and the true privilege of their presence in my life.  I feel that I now more fully understand what Adam felt like without the help meet of Eve’s presence and companionship in the Garden of Eden. I feel I also now have a clearer understanding of the struggles of young women that I have seen through Kim’s eyes.  I went with her to a school where Google suggested to us that we could find a Rosetta Stone agent and we spent what felt like hours talking.

We spent some time in the car discussing our feelings and I told Kim that I do love her and she told me about how our relationship is different from any of the other men she has known.  I told her that I know she is a princess, over and over and I do feel that she has struggled to see herself as that in the past.  I am determined to keep letting her know that however she may feel, whatever others may tell her, I really do believe that God does see her as His daughter and that as I am willing to give her the love and respect that she deserves, that is a reflection of God’s love for His bride – the church.

I had a revelation last night that Aladdin does not have any less love for Jasmine in the morning after she gets up, without makeup perhaps, he still adores her with or without makeup.  He still adores her whether or not she is in a mood and he loves to be with her to help her through her mood.  He still adores her whether or not she is pregnant because she is the same princess he fell hopelessly and helplessly in love with the first day he saw her in Agrabah. While I know that the princess-prince analogy is limited and some may say it has no place in today’s world, I do see godly men like David Broom raising his daughters with every Disney princess toy and sticker and movie available and I can see that in the heart of every girl, young lady and woman, there is a yearning to be wooed, swept off her feet, romanced and won BUT should those things only be for before marriage? 

I say NO!  I want to be able to woo, romance and win my wife every day of her life like I see David doing so well for Amy.  I don’t want to fail at it as I see one particular man who has been in and out of our fellowship has done for our worship leader. I feel she is one of the most wonderful women of God I have ever met in my life and yet I see her former husband for some reason I cannot fathom has not continued to be there for her.  I confess I am not his judge, however and I pray he finds the Lord’s solution, because it is one thing to shrug off a shrew, but completely unfathomable to pass up a princess.

We did discuss marriage and I said I needed to do things correctly and ask her father for his advice.  I understand from When God Writes Your Love Story – The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships  by Eric and Leslie Ludy that during their courtship, they agreed not to kiss each other on the lips until they were pronounced man and wife on their wedding day. 

I feel I agree with this perspective, since I know how weak my own flesh is and I cannot run the risk of taking ANY advantage of Kim.  She said I could kiss her yesterday, but I confess to only having the courage to kiss her hand and not yet her cheeks, but I love hugging her!

From my perspective, I would like to know if any further or fewer steps are required and in what order the following should be done:

Job or company establishment / book publication / Apartment / Green card /Vehicle /Driver’s license / Marriage counseling / Proposal- engagement-marriage.